I'm Sorry...

My dad and I used to be very close. But there are a few things that are more important in his life. He seems to have his priorities wrong, work has always been the most prominent thing in his eyes. It's not his fault, he wants to provide the best he can. And I love him for that. Always there financially if I ever would need it, but not really any other way. We hurt each other, I fear. And it seems to be a regular thing, we will not talk to each other unless it's a holiday or a birthday. And it hurts me, very much. I can't talk about this to him, mostly because how emotional I become. Even now, I'm nearly sobbing. It deeply hurts me, to a degree no one will ever understand. We lost so much time...and as hard as I try, I'm still so angry for it. Not completely at him, more myself for allowing this to happen.
Last Thursday (aka Thanksgiving) I was supposed to meet him for me to go with his other family (his in laws) for their dinner. I'd never been invited before, and even though it was short notice (he called me at 9pm Wednesday night) I was generally excited to go. I waited for him, where he said he would be. The Honda plant off of 119. I waited for two and a half hours, and he never came. I guess I should have seen it coming, and I thought maybe he was at another plant, so I went around to all the Honda plants around the area (there are 3 in all), and he wasn't there. Just, wasn't there. I can't honestly form the words to describe the type of heart break that is. I felt like a moron, and worthless. I tried calling him quite a few times, to no avail. I haven't yet received a return call. I finally broke down and called my grandparents on Saturday, to make sure he was ok, they said he was fine....he had actually just left their house. My heart sank. Did he purposely not show? I asked them if he had mentioned about Thanksgiving, and they said he waited for me until 12:30 and I never showed. That isn't possible. I was there until 1pm...I guess I can chalk it up to being when I was riding around trying to find him, he was there and I overlooked him. But when he got to his destination, why didn't he call me? What if I had been in a wreck? What if I was seriously hurt? It's possible I'm making this more painful than it should be. Which I'm sure I am, I am know for being dramatic about a few things in my life. Tara told me to just stop trying to contact him, let him get in touch with me. Or just screw it. I can't do that, he's my dad. And no matter what I still love him. I want to be close again. I miss him so much. And I'm afraid, if we don't reconnect now...the time will come where it is too late. I don't want to regret never being able to say "I love you" just that last time. Or the lost memories there could have been, if only I had reached out a little further. So with that said. I just wanted to publicly say, I'm sorry for blaming you all these years, I'm sorry for being angry for too long, I'm sorry if I don't say I love you enough, and I'm sorry...for any memories we have lost out on. Please let us rectify this before it is too late. I miss you. I don't want financial support, I just want my dad. I doubt he'll read this...being he doesn't know this blog exists. I had to get this out. For years, I've stayed quiet and cried to myself. Never letting him know how I felt. I swear, this is going to change.